A New Journey

It has been quite a while since I have been able to come and sit in front of my computer and pour my heart out onto the page. There have been many trials and tribulations this past year that have been extremely painful to bare. But, I am finally back at a place where I feel as if I can share again. So, I apologize for all the time off and I cannot promise that it won't happen again but for now, I am here.

To be honest with you, I haven't felt very comfortable with speaking about much to do with my faith and the affect it has had on my experiences. I think that it has mostly been out of fear. Fear that I will be judged for my beliefs which, has happened on many occasions in day-to-day interactions. Fear that I may annoy some of my friends or acquaintances with constantly talking about my religion and all the fulfilment I receive from the way that I choose to live my life. Because, let's face it, we Latter-Day Saints are a "peculiar people" with various misconceptions from outside sources looking in. However, I am no longer afraid. I have realized that I am not writing this blog for those people. I am writing it for the people who will benefit from my experiences complete with all of the layers and complexities that go along with them. This won't be a "religious blog" per-se but, it will no longer have vague references to my faith and everything that goes with it.

As of Monday I am officially a divorcé. I received the divroce order in the mail about a week and a half ago, along with a whole lot of mixed emotions that I did not expect to have. I have been ready for my marriage to be over for quite a long time. You see, it is hard to sit and watch your not-quite-yet ex spouse build a life with someone else when you, by choice, have decided to follow the standards that your faith teaches and not date until those papers are finally signed and your divorce is official. I am very grateful for those standards because they have given me the chance to spend the time that I needed to heal and learn who I was apart from him, apart from being a wife and a mother so that I could be ready and stable for when and if someone comes along.

I was watching a video the other day about a couple who were in a plane crash and the woman ended up with major burns all over her body. I can't imagine the pain that she deals with every day and in that video there was a quote from Jeffery R. Holland that states "When suffering, we may in fact be nearer to God than we’ve ever been in our entire lives." I believe this statement whole-heartedly. This past year there have been many ups and downs, there still are, but I have never felt closer to my Father in Heaven than I do now. I am so grateful for the experiences that I have had because they have moulded me into a better human, woman, mother, sister and friend. I am better able to look at those around me with love and care without judgements and with understanding. Sometimes I feel like I have been burned up in a fire like the woman in the plane crash but, I know that I am just being refined by the refiner's fire.

I am looking forward to getting this blog back up and going and sharing my experiences with all of you.